Dear Therapist: My Boyfriend Won't Sell the Ring He Bought for His Ex

To get to those feelings, you'll need to have a different kind of conversation Let me offer some context to help you create a space in which your boyfriend might feel more comfortable opening up about his inner world rather than evading the topic altogether with some version of Maybe one day I'll sell it For instance: When I'm left with all the laundry, I feel invisible, unappreciated, and unloved.

Or: I avoid talking to you about the ring because I'm afraid that you don't want to hear my complicated feelings about it, and I will have no way to convince you that I want to be with you without denying these other feelings that are also very much a part of who I am Our pasts aren't magically erased when we meet a new partner; we all show up on Day One of an adult relationship with our own histories, ways of relating, ideas about ourselves and others, insecurities, pain, and losses The conversation you need to have will be made harder if your boyfriend has gotten the sense that this is less a discussion that allows room for his messy feelings and more a means to get him to stop having the feelings he's having.

There's a big difference between Tell me more about the pain of that relationship so I can understand you better and feel closer to you-this will make it easier for me to not take so personally your wanting to keep the ring and Let's talk about how we can work together to make any trace or memory of this woman disappear, specifically by selling the ring. . Source